I’m in the market for a car. It’s hard to not be for one here in the UAE. Driving is a necessary evil here, after all.

I’ve been driving a Toyota Yaris rental for a few months now at the expense of roughly Dh2,000 a month (about $600) that includes insurance and servicing, but no amount of money is worth the emasculation of my manhood by driving that car.

So, as i venture out into the role of “new car buyer”, I look at my options. In the UAE, there’s a greater prevalence of people driving luxury-models – the Mercedes-Benz’s, BMW’s, Lexus’s, etc. – than any other place I’ve been to. Oil money spurs desire, I suppose. A 4-5 year loan is manageable with rates hovering around 4%, even though I don’t really plan on staying here that long and I’ll likely provide a decent down-payment.

That said, the amount of those cars swerving around me has fueled my interest in becoming a luxury driver myself. As I keep telling myself, I doubt there’ll be any other time in my life I’ll be able to afford such wheels.And with so many people leaving the Emirates for personal and professional reasons, there is no other time to buy a car in the UAE.

So, a Beemer-huntin’ I go. I’ve seen a few and I’m in no real rush to buy one. Initially, I’ve focused my search within Abu Dhabi, given that it is quite a headache to “export” your car from another emirate state within a two-day window and “import” it back into my hometown for approximately Dh300 ($100).

The first car, a 2004 BMW 530i, seriously tested my patience. Not just because I really wanted it as soon as I started driving it, but it was the aggressive nature of the Egyptian man selling it to me. He initially offered Dh73,000 (About $22,000) but was willing to go down to Dh70,000 if I paid all in cash. After I drove it, I waited a week before calling him again and asked to see it again. A paraphrase of the conversation:

Me: Hi, I’d like to see the car again, if it’s still available.

Him: You want to buy the car?

Me: No, I just want to test-drive it again. I haven’t made up my mind.

Him: Why have you not made up your mind? You don’t like it?

Me: I haven’t said that. I just want to see it again.

Him: OK. But you have to put a deposit of Dh1,000 to drive it again.

Me (stunned): Huh? Why? I just want to see it

Him: You drive it very hard last time. You pushed on the brakes too much.

Me: But how else can I test the brakes? I even made sure you knew what I was doing when I did it.

Him: I take very good care of my car. You have to trust me. If you don’t want to pay deposit, you will not drive car.

Me *stunned): Um, alright. Good luck selling it.

And that was that. I’ve since read that putting a deposit to test drive a car over here, but it’s borderline insulting to me to be forced to do that. I’m a good, honest driver with a clean driving record in the 10-plus years I’ve on the road, and I’m certainly not going to be forced to pay in good faith something which I feel is quite unnecessary, especially after test driving it once already.

In any case, I decided to expand my search and look to Dubai, knowing full well that I’ll have a little headache transferring it over here, I found a couple BMW’s for decent prices, including one formerly owned by Sheikh Mansour – the so-called “Rainbow Sheikh” – a member of the ruling party whose car collection has endeared him to the local media.

Anyways, this car was listed for Dh50,000 ($15,000), a great price for a 2003 BMW 530i with only 75,000 km on it. Unfortunately, the Californian who is selling it thought he typed Dh65,000 instead. I’m planning on seeing it later this week, but needless to say, I’m still willing to hold out until I find the right car out there.

Then there was this beauty (site is now taken down): a 2006 BMW with only 10,000 driven on it, offered for Dh40,000. i e-mailed the owner and got this reply:

Hello,
I am from London, United Kingdom.
I have a work contract in Dubai and I need a car so I bought it.
I must sell because I moved back to the UK and it is quite difficult to drive a European car with the steering wheel on the left. The car is now in London in excellent condition, no accidents, no scratches, no dents, no need for additional repairs and have all the necessary documents for sale.
It is guarded by a car garage, maintened well. The final price is 40.000 AED including shipping and insurance. I agree to give you a few days for the test. The car comes with a rating of own history and numbers. Is being recorded in Dubai this would be no problem to cancel the recording and turn on you. I spoke with one of my friends in Dubai and he said there was no need for me to come down to close the case in person because there are many companies that can handle these situations. So I made a bit of research work and have found a local company. I asked how much it will cost for such a transaction and they indicated to me to offer the delivery address (so they can calculate shipping costs). In case you’re still interested please let me know the address where you want it to be delivered so the company can calculate the cost.
Thank you.

So, the car isn’t actually in Dubai and I have to trust that the car is indeed in pristine condition before agreeing to transfer the funds over so it can get shipped over to me. Oh, and there’s no phone number to talk the car over on the phone. The scam siren went off in my head shortly after reading that, so I won’t be suckered into that one.

The search continues…